Reflection

Almost four and a half years to the day I first had a daydream which eventually morphed into an idea that spawned a trilogy; here I’m, penning this blog as I wait on tenterhooks for the launch of my first book.  I guess it is the logical culmination of a long process that started with my getting inspired by JKR and writing Emilio Esparda and the Sword of Life way back when I was in class 5^th- a mere 11 year old writing a novel! From Kalazar Kai (like Salazar Slytherin) to a Governor of Magic, it was a vividly imagined resplendent world I had filled with characters liberally borrowed from Harry Potter, my first hero.  

From being on the editorial board of the School Magazine, to basking in the glory as my English teacher in class 7^th went around the department telling others to just learn from how well I structured everything I wrote (I guess one of the biggest reasons I took to writing in a big way is the sheer encouragement I would receive from here every time I wrote something. The last time I met her two years back, she said, ‘Hopefully, we’ll see a book written by you in the market soon!’ Can’t wait to go back and tell her, ‘Ma’am, this is all because of you!’), from reading every kind of fantasy fiction to having this steadfast belief (often bordering on arrogance) that I am a pretty good story teller, this has been one heck of a journey.  A special shout out to my cousins, Pramath Parijat and Shubhankar Parijat. The Avaasya Trilogy began as collaboration between us before we shelved the project, only for me to take it up again after an year!

The last few weeks have been frantic; the last few months surreal.  I have seen myself grow, learn become wiser and change as a person. Experienced remarkable highs and depressing lows. I have learnt how writing a story is probably the easiest part of it all. There have been phases where I have doubted the story, the book, and myself. Phases where I have been disappointed let down and left with the feeling that perhaps the book isn’t good enough. That perhaps I’m not good enough. I have gone through phases where I have been unable to write even a paragraph.  Equilibrium is a book I finished writing in under a month when I was seventeen! It’s a book that had Red Ink Literary Agency sign me solely on the basis of four sample chapters ( I started writing after I was signed) It’s a book that was bought by my publishers when I was eighteen. And yet, it’s a book that took three years to see the light of day.

Those who know me intimately would swear by how I have been going on and on about my book ever since I signed up with Red Ink. From going on ‘bragging’ about the book to stop talking about it altogether because of the sheer embarrassment of not having an answer to ‘When is it going to be published?’, I have been through it all.

And it is this intervening period of three years that has probably been the most magical part of my life. Looking back, I can proudly say that this has been a coming of age experience for me.  I have spent hours sitting on my bed, staring at my book collection and imagined about that time in the not so distant future when my own novel would occupy the place of honour in that collection. I spent hours realizing how that ‘not so distant future’ is simply not happening. But I guess it was all worth the wait. Someone once told me everything happens for a reason and everything happens for good. I guess all the delay made me more mature.

I have learnt the importance of dreaming and relentlessly pursuing it to the point that no one can deny you. I have learnt the importance of giving something your everything and that the greatest happiness in the world is when the thing you have dreamt about every waking minute is finally happening.

I have met some wonderful people who influenced some of the characters in the series quite heavily. I have shared my dreams with people who aren’t around anymore. I have acquired a new perspective. And probably, have learnt not to take everything for granted. I don’t even know why am I writing this, but just felt I needed to thank so many people for just being there and occasionally dreaming this dream with me.

I hope the book doesn’t leave you disappointed. Thank you so much for all the support on Facebook these past few days. It means a lot. This book is my dream… everything.

Paras Joshi!

Magic.

You sit in front of the desktop, type in a few words and pause to consider what you’ve just written. It’s nowhere near your best. So you backspace it all. You sit there staring at the blank document, and with a sense of disbelief, wonder what has gone wrong. You struggle to come up with something. And you think about the time long gone where words once flew freely.  You close your eyes, and go through the myriad thoughts spinning a web around your mind. So many ideas! So many stories to tell!

But nothing to write.

And all of a sudden your mind goes back to that one memory that will forever remain etched there. That day which reaffirmed something you’ve known for quite a while. ‘I don’t think you have it in you anymore’ the words are still fresh. The wounds still raw and they still hurt.

But what’s the point to deny the obvious? Delay the inevitable. So with a sense of nostalgia, you open Blogspot and go through all your entries.

You go through your own work and feel like it was another person who created it. You go through it with a strange sense of indifference- like a person who had once wielded unrestricted power and is now powerless to even lift a finger. Like a magician who had once mesmerised people but knows that the spark is gone and the magic has waned.

‘You might just be the next best thing, not quite like me’

You have prided yourself on your way with words. And now that way appears to have closed its doors to you. It’s like losing your identity. And there’s nothing worse than that. The only thing you can do is live in denial, for accepting the truth is the hardest thing in the world.

You have dreamed a dream. For five years you have dreamt of the day your own book will be out in the market- lauded by one and all. You have lived for it. And when that day draws close, there’s nothing but a sense of despair that hangs heavy over you.

Writing has been your love. And now, there’s nothing but a blank parchment and a pen. The words have dried up. The flair is gone.

So you hum and old Rajesh Khanna favourite, go through your previous works with a sense of great pride, and resign yourself to your fate.  For as they say, not everyone in this world has the fate to experience the fullest form of love. Some are born, just to experience the abbreviation of it.

Perhaps the least you can do is write what you feel, in howsoever rudimentary a fashion, and try and feel that familiar joy once again.

Magic. Believe in it!